Edwards Wedding his POV
by drgnfly23
Summary: Edwards POV starting with the bachelor party to the first day at Isle Esme. Four Chapters only. Breaking Dawn Spoilers. It may help to have read Stephenie's Midnight Sun as well.
1. Chapter 1

**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm not getting any money to write this, I just want to play this out through Edwards POV, she owns the characters.**

1. Bachelor Party

Bella and I were in her room, I was trying to psyche myself into going to a "bachelor party" my father and brothers had planned for me. This was really just a hunting trip, but since I was getting married for the first time they wanted me to have a party. Jasper and Emmett said they'd be by to get me so I could say bye to Bella, I wouldn't see her again until our ceremony. This was making me anxious, though, I didn't want her to know that. It still pained me to leave her for any length of time. I was seriously trying to get out of going as I wanted to stay this last night with her.

"Definitely staying," I murmured into her hair. Then I heard Jasper and Emmett before Bella did. They had heard me as well. "Oh, for the love of all that is holy!"

"What's wrong?" Bella asked with some panic in her voice.

I gritted my teeth, "Apparently Emmett and Jasper are not going to let me bow out tonight."

She reluctantly released me. "Have fun." Though I could hear in her voice that is not what she meant.

"_No way, bro', you are NOT baling on us tonight." _Emmett screamed at me through his thoughts as he scraped his fingers along the glass making it scream with him._ "Jasper needs this hunting trip now more than ever. If you're going to subject him to a room full of humans we are taking you with us." _I felt Bella cringe at that shrieking sound. I knew Emmett was right; however, I was saddened to not be able to spend this last night in Bella's room before she never slept here again. So much had happened in this room for me and I was hoping to relive it one more time. The way my whole existence shifted the first night I heard her mutter my name in her sleep. That alone still made my dead heart beat.

At that moment both of my brothers climbed in through her window. It was not lost on me that this was their first time in her room. "_This is what a human girls' room looks like?" _Emmett again, his thoughts were like loose canons, very random. "_What's with that decrepit computer? And no wonder Edward never does anything but watch her sleep, who could do anything in that bed besides sleep?" _Ugh, always vulgar thoughts in his mind.

I suddenly felt Jasper tasting the air. "S_he's nervous about tomorrow, not sure how much sleep she's going to get tonight. Hmm... bet with Emmett, will she fall down the stairs in a tired stupor before she makes it to Edward? I'm going to bet that she won't, Alice says to not underestimate her. Maybe I should suggest she take some sleeping pills...no, better not, maybe she will fall down the stairs then." _I raised my eyebrow slightly at Jasper. Really? Was she nervous about tomorrow? Would she sleep when we left? Would she fall? Maybe we should do the vows on the landing instead of making her walk down those narrow stairs in heels. Would Alice... my thoughts stopped there, the calm coming from Jasper became stronger. Was that because of me or because of Bella? I couldn't be sure. The only thing I was sure of was that tomorrow, she would become Mrs. Edward Cullen.

"Go, before they break my house," Bella encouraged.

I rolled my eyes, kissed her forehead and put my shirt back on. "Get to sleep, you have a big day tomorrow," I said, trying to push out Jasper's thoughts.

"Thanks! That's sure to help me wind down," Bella said this with forced enthusiasm.

"I'll meet you at the alter," I teased her. I couldn't wait for that moment. I wished it were tomorrow already. Tonight was going to drag on forever.

"I'll be the one in white," she smiled at her blasé remark.

"Very convincing," I chuckled. I couldn't wait for her to walk towards me in her white dress. All three of us jumped out the window and landed perfectly on our feet, barely making a noise.

"You better not make him late!" We all heard Bella, though she never spoke louder than usual. She was getting very good at knowing how well we could hear.

_"I'm going to go calm her down again," _Jasper jumped back up, "Don't worry, Bella, we'll have him home in plenty of time." Even down here on the ground I felt him swirling calm all around Bella. I would definitely thank him once we were out of earshot of Bella.

I heard Bella ask him what vampires did for bachelor parties. Emmett and I laughed under our breath, like we needed to take Jasper to a club where scantily clad women and rude men would be everywhere.

"Relax, we Cullens have our own version. Just a few mountain lions, a couple of grizzly bears. Pretty much an ordinary night out," Jasper reassured her as he pressed more calm around her.

"Thanks Jasper," Bella murmured. She was getting tired; I hoped she was going to fall asleep shortly. The last thing I needed was a trip to emergency room before she officially became my wife.

He winked at her and dropped back to the ground.

Soon we were running away from my heart, as I'd left it there in that room, but I knew it would be returned to me tomorrow evening. I remembered the conversation I'd once had with Bella and about the significance of twilight for our kind, so because of that we chose to exchange our vows at twilight. We were also afraid we might actually get a sunny day; we couldn't have that ruining a perfectly good wedding. We were probably the only couple in the world who would be wishing for an overcast day, but not rainy, for a wedding. Alice said it was only to be overcast, good thing, the reception and dancing was to be outside, the rest of guests would appreciate to stay dry.

"_That kid's a mess again." _I heard Emmett say in his thoughts. I tried rearranging my face to reflect the true hunter that I should be as I stalked a mountain lion.

Carlisle and I sat on a boulder after we couldn't possibly fill ourselves anymore. Emmett stayed with Jasper to make sure he was well fed. It was still hours before the day was to start. My thoughts were back in a certain girls' room back in Forks.

_"Edward, she's fine, Alice is watching over her and if anything happens while we're here, she'll call,"_ Carlisle reassured me. This sounded vaguely familiar. I thought of another hunting trip I had taken with Emmett oh so long ago. _'"Alice is as crazy about this girl as you are", Emmett tapped the phone in my pocket. "She'll call if she sees anything."' _

"I know, and really, that's not what I was worrying about actually."

"_Oh? What are you worried about?"_

"My marriage proposal," I answered, dejectedly.

"_Your what? This ought to be interesting, this is the last thing I thought he would be worried about, tomorrow is his wedding night..." _Carlisle was utterly confused, but not completely off base. I was worried about that, too.

"You only get one chance to ask for a girls hand in marriage, and I did it all wrong. The first time I asked her it was a condition, more like an ultimatum." I explained, sounding more pathetic as I went on. "Do you remember that night of the vote after we returned from Italy? That's how I got her to wait for her eternal damnation; I tricked her into marrying me. I then tried to make up for it by asking another time. It was in my room this time, I got down on one knee, I placed my mothers ring on her finger, but I really should have thought it out more. I wish I had planned on a more romantic place. Probably our meadow, with candles and a picnic dinner for her, something better than a condition on her soul, but I was so eager to see my ring on her finger..."

Carlisle put his hand up to stop me, _"Edward, really, this is what you're worried about? Bella is so...uncomplicated, well other than the fact that you can't read her mind. But she's not into all that fluff, and you know it. Remember the "fit" she threw about her first prom? And it took her forever to work up the nerve to even allow Alice to plan her wedding. Do you know that Bella has to shut her eyes and 'go to her happy place', when Alice does a wedding gown fitting? Alice has told me this." _

I gasped, I had no idea about that, but Alice had been doing her best to keep me out of her head when she's thinking of Bella in her dress. And I truly hadn't seen, I didn't want to, I wanted to be surprised on my wedding day as well.

"_So you see, Edward," Carlisle continued, "despite all of that, Bella has still said yes to you, she's going to look absolutely radiant and she's been good for you. Esme and I are thrilled to see you so happy. And despite all of that, she's the one who risked her life to come save you from the Volturi, we will all be indebted to her for the rest of our existence and it still won't be enough."_

I groaned, "I know, Carlisle, that's why I feel that I cheated her out of a really great wedding proposal, she's so selfless, I should have been more selfless. But instead I let me selfishness rule yet again. Will I ever stop doing that to her? She's so good, and I'm...I'm a monster! I don't deserve her, not at all!"

"_Edward, enough! She wants you, she's enduring all of Alice's extreme plans to give you what you need, whether you realize what you need or not, so stop beating yourself up and appreciate Bella for who she is. She can read you better than you read yourself, which is why she's your match. Speaking of which, the thing I am worried about is what you should be most worried about: your wedding night._"

I groaned at Carlisle again. "Yes, I did promise her I'd try."

"You did what?" Carlisle asked in more alarm than I'd ever heard him speak.

By this time Emmett and Jasper had joined us on the grouping of boulders we were seated on. Emmett heard that last part of our conversation. He was having a great time of it, trying to picture Bella and I on our first night together.

I punched Emmett as I painfully said, "Please stop."

"How are you not going to crush her? Or poke holes in her?" Emmett guffawed at his tasteless joke.

I groaned once more, "I have no idea! I want to be with her, but I'm not sure I can be."

"Edward, you're very careful with her. I have seen you two together, it amazes me you can be that close, hold that delicate hand without breaking her fingers and, kiss those fragile lips and still not create bruises so deep that they take months to heal." Jasper said.

"That's because I'm in control and very careful of my actions. I'm afraid it's going to be like hunting, all my senses will be heightened and I'll move too quickly...Carlisle, I..." I suddenly felt very frantic and in need of his advice now more than ever, so much so, I couldn't even finish my thought.

"You're very careful, you love her enough, you've protected her enough, and you're not going to hurt her. You'd hurt yourself first, you'd hurt anything else first before you'd hurt her. This could be very dangerous for Bella, having you that close to her as you try to cage the monster that desires her blood, but I have faith in you." Carlisle reassured me.

"I don't deserve that faith. I just need to know what to expect."

"Well, I can't be completely sure, seeing as I'm not in love with a human," Carlisle smiled. "It's a very powerful thing; powerful emotions can alter vampires so completely. However, Bella has altered you already. I don't think there's another emotion that can affect you anymore."

"It's the most amazing feeling ever," added Jasper, as he forced a calming feeling on me. "You'll be holding her, wanting to get closer to her, even though you're already as close as you can get without sinking into each others' bodies."

"It's second only to drinking human blood, really," responded Emmett. _"Just, please don't take down Esme's island house in your excitement. She would kill you for that."_

"What?" I muttered in disbelief while looking at Emmett. I turned to look at Carlisle, "What's this about Isle Esme?" Carlisle glared at Emmett.

"_We had been so careful to guard our thoughts and now Emmett..." _His thought trailed. "Esme and I want to loan you Isle Esme for your honeymoon, take as long as you'd like, you know how long you have until school starts at Dartmouth, if you want to stay until then, it's yours. You and Bella don't get enough alone time, and it's going to be extremely difficult in a house full of us who have superior hearing and who don't sleep." He raised his eyebrows and looked at Emmett while saying, "_I_ wouldn't want to make Bella uncomfortable in her first few months of marriage."

"What?" Emmett asked innocently. Sometimes he could be so clueless.

I was truly grateful, almost utterly speechless. I knew how I could make up for the botched proposal. "Please, no one say anything to Bella, this is going to be our family wedding gift to her."

"Already done," Jasper said. "Alice has seen this in her visions and Bella's bag is already packed and ready for the honeymoon she'll never forget. _I wish Alice would have bought some of that stuff for herself..." _

I blocked Jaspers thoughts, sometimes he could be just as vulgar, just not as vocal, as Emmett. I turned back to Carlisle, "Thank you, truly, and have I really been so focused on taking out Victoria, protecting Bella from werewolves, and planning this wedding that I have missed this conversation?"

"No, we're just that good_,_" Carlisle added smugly. "_But seriously, don't take down the house. She worked on that one for awhile. Furniture and linens we can replace, just please don't destroy the house."_

The sky was turning pink at its edges. I sighed, looked up at the fading dark sky and realized that this day was going to truly be the first day of forever for me. I smiled, looked to the men of my family and said, "Thank you for a great bachelor party, I believe I am ready to settle down now."

Emmett and Jasper laughed all the way back to the house. I ran freer than I ever had. This was going to be an amazing day.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm not getting any money to write this, I just want to play this out through Edwards POV, she owns the characters.**

2. The Blushing Bride

Rosalie began playing Pachelbel's canon as our guests started settling down. I made my way to the front of the house under the arch of white roses and lights to wait for my heart to be returned to me. It was killing me; it had been too long since I had seen her. Rosalie then morphed into Wagners traditional march.

My best man, Carlisle, had a prancing Alice on his arm as they made their way down the stairs, "_Edward, she looks lovelier than ever, you'll be amazed! I am a genius, you can thank me later. However, I forgot to have her look at herself in the mirror. I was afraid she'd faint if I let her, you'll forgive me, I know, but I'm sorry just the same." _I nodded once, everyone else would think I was acknowledging my favorite sister, she would know I was answering her. Alice took her place and smiled wider; I saw this from the corner of my eye, but my focus was now on the amazing smell and erratically thumping heartbeat making its way to the landing of the staircase. My heart had been returned. I could see her so clearly, but she hadn't yet met my gaze. I was glad she hadn't; I was taking in her beauty and her smell. Alice's fresh Freesia sprays had nothing on Bella. Everyone in the room followed my gaze, then, to give her proper respect, they stood. Bella took a deep breath, gripped her fathers arm and descended the first step. Everyone made audible and mental gasps at her beauty; finally everyone was seeing what I had always seen. She was walking in slow motion it seemed. Then I realized that with her balance issues she was being overly cautious navigating those steps in her heels. I was happily frustrated with her slow human pace, I wanted this moment to last forever; yet I also wanted her to get to me, NOW. I wanted to soak up her beauty with my eyes up close. I wanted her warmth, I was too cold. I couldn't stop staring, or, was I gaping? ...only five more steps, since when did that staircase get so long? It seemed to go on forever; time was slowing down, is that possible for an immortal?

She grabbed her fathers arm a little more securely, she looked like she was starting to teeter, I slightly tensed, I would be there to catch her as quickly as I could if she did stumble. I heard Emmett chuckle under his breath as he mentally said, "_that bet is as good as won! I knew she wouldn't make it down those stairs without knocking herself out!_" She regained her balance and I tuned Emmett out, I wanted to only focus on Bella's silent thoughts...only three more steps, she gazed momentarily at her father with eyes of love, then she quickly looked back down, as if studying the stairs hard enough would keep her upright. I was wrong to try to deny her of this moment. These were the thoughts I had before, of her on her father's arm while walking to the one she'd say yes to. I was still excited she had said yes to me. The monster I was, she wanted me, she loved me and no matter what I did to her, she wanted me. Me! I still reveled in that fact, daily. I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

Alice had outdone herself in decorating the house for our wedding, but we could have been in the most run down shack in the middle of a cornfield for all I cared. Bella was outshining it all. She outshone everything. She was also blushing. Ah, my Bella, I knew I could count on her to be my blushing bride. My Bella, soon she would be. Not in an ownership state, but in a forever-mine-and-I-have-the-ring-to-prove-it. I couldn't wait to have her ring on my finger. The physical outward sign that I was finally settled down. Not that I needed that, after everything we'd been through together, and after my existence altering transformation that happened, the ring was a minor detail. But also major in so many more ways.

She was on the flat floor, finally. Once she felt sure she had her balance she glanced at her father; then her tired eyes darted everywhere all at once. Why did she look so tired? I had seen through Alice, just briefly to check on her, that she napped during their primping in the bathroom. Was Jasper right? Did she not sleep during the night with me gone? Did she stay up all night finally wondering if she was making a mistake? Did she have a nightmare? Did she determine I was the nightmare? No, that couldn't be it, because she was still making her way towards me. I tried to refocus on her slow walk down the aisle to me. Her tired eyes were not really focusing on any one thing or person for too long. She nodded at our guests as she made her way up the short aisle, though it seemed to me like she wanted to dash the last remaining feet to my side.

At the third row of chairs she finally settled on my eyes, they remained locked there as she finished her march up to me. She returned my smile. I melted. Here Comes the Bride, here comes MY bride. That song meant so much more to me at this moment than any other time I had ever heard it. She broke our eye contact as Charlie lifted her veil to kiss her cheek, tears welled in those deep chocolate eyes as she said, "I love you." He responded with a broken, "I love you, too, Bells." He replaced her veil and placed her hand in mind. The warmth radiated off of him. His muted thoughts were those of love towards Bella and a blessing to me that this was okay with him. I still wasn't sure, even after we told him of our engagement, how he felt about us getting married, really. He was too focused on hoping Renee' would side with him on how ridiculous this teenage marriage idea was. Charlie locked eyes with me, "_you have my blessing, I know you'll take care of her and only have her best interests in mind, I see that now. I should have seen that all along." _My heart swelled to hear that from him. I knew he didn't know I could read minds, but I felt that he was trying to convey that to me through his tear filled eyes. At least I had become a better face reader thanks to Bella.

Thanks to Bella, I was here, in front of a minister, saying vows I never thought I'd ever get to say to someone I loved. Could a dead heart flutter? I felt like mine was fluttering. I also had butterflies flitting in my stomach and I hadn't felt my stomach, not really, in so long. This was my wedding day. A day I didn't think would ever come, not until that meteor named Isabella streaked across my sky.

"_Damn, she didn't fall!" _Emmett grumbled in his head. "_Well, there's still the dance floor, I'm glad I didn't exclude that from the bet." _

_"Emmett will be Emmett_", I thought. I tuned him out again. I only wanted to hear, see, feel and taste Bella. I let the smell of freesia and strawberries fill my throat, and I let it burn. I heard the thoughts of the rest of our guests, they were mostly good thoughts. That vile Mike Newton was cursing that he wasn't one the one she'd said yes to, even though Jessica Stanley was by his side, as their relationship was on again.

My heart swelled, though, I'm not sure why. I was a monster, deep down I knew that. I was selfish, but I was in love with an angel. It was already time to recite our wedding vows; Bella and I had asked the Rev. Weber to replace "until death do us part" to "as long as we both shall live". For us, that made more sense. He easily complied, his thoughts were as easy and gentle as his daughter Angela's were.

"I do", Bella squeaked, barely audible to everyone but me. I stifled a chuckle. The tears were rolling down her cheeks. I think she was happy to have a real wedding. I knew all that teasing and discussions of a drive thru Vegas wedding would be regretted later; though, I was supposed to remind her in a hundred years of that regret. By that time we'd have several more weddings, I smiled slightly at this thought, because I knew that I would feel the same on those wedding days as I did right now, only my love would be even more stronger, but the feeling of her still saying yes to me would never change.

"I do", I boldly proclaimed, because I was never so sure about anything as this, as the sun finally set in the sky. This was going to be my only, first, wedding; I wanted to make sure everyone, especially Mike Newton, knew that I was not reluctant in making my promise to Isabella Marie Swan. Isabella Marie _Cullen_, I amended. I smiled wider, without showing my teeth. I loved my surname attached to her first name. I hadn't really thought about it much, but as soon as the minister pronounced Mr. and Mrs. Edward and Isabella Cullen, my heart grew again, it felt surreal. Bella Cullen, I repeated to myself. She'd said yes to me.

What was that? Oh, I may now kiss the bride. I lifted her veil and got an unobstructed view of my love, I took in her beauty before leaning in for the kiss that would proclaim to our world that we were together. I wanted to make sure all our guests knew Isabella _Cullen_ belonged to me_._ And as always, I forgot that we weren't alone, we kissed a little too long, a little too urgently. Carlisle broke into my thoughts, "_Edward, we're all still here." _He, and others, chuckled nervously at this thought. _"Oops," _I thought to myself as I broke our embrace. I would definitely have to continue that later. Bella and I made our way back down the aisle to everyone's applause; we never looked any further than each others' eyes. Once again, I tried to break through her mind. I ached to know her thoughts at this very moment. I wanted to know if she was as happy as I was. I doubted she could be happier than I.

We made our way to the rainless outside to form that blasted receiving line. I hated this part of all weddings. But maybe, just maybe, this time it would be a little different. I would get to introduce not my girlfriend, not my fiancée, but my _wife _to our company. Wife...wife...wife...I repeated that in my brain, I loved the sound of that. It still hadn't registered that we were finally married. Surrealism was the heavy blanket that covered my sky today.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm not getting any money to write this, I just want to play this out through Edwards POV, she owns the characters.**

3. Reception

"_This is the woman trouble you had when you came to Alaska?" _Tanya. I knew she was in our presence today, but being so focused on Bella, I hadn't really heard her thoughts until she made her way through the line. I looked at Bella at my side; she stiffened in my arm when she realized who that strawberry blond vampire might be making her way to us. Well, I was going to make the introduction before Tanya had a chance to say anything too offensive.

"Let me introduce you to my wife," I said it out loud and it made my heart swell again. I thought my heart might explode out of my chest if it got any bigger. "Tanya, this is my Bella."

"_I can't believe you chose a human over me! You're a good man, Edward, but I don't marry my men, I just have fun with them and let them live." _Tanya thought as she reached for Bella's hand. "Welcome to the family, Bella. We consider ourselves Carlisle's extended family, and I _am_ sorry about the, er, recent incident when we did not behave as such. We should have met you sooner. Can you forgive us? _Like I care if you forgive us or not._"

"Of course, it's so nice to meet you," Bella answered. Once again, she was her true selfless person. She forgave Tanya; despite the trouble she almost caused our family. I was still stunned by her forgiving nature.

Bella met the rest of the Denali Clan, before the remainder of our guests came through the line. I lost my focus after that. I paid attention again when Billy Black came through the line. He was smiling, as I probed his mind I found that Jacob was on his way, Sam Uley had informed him of this. I was glad he was on his way. I wanted Bella to know he was okay, I wanted her to be reassured that he didn't hate her. I lost my focus again. I kept the smile up and was gracious as our guests filtered through to offer their congratulations and well wishes. I was ready to have Bella to myself. My selfishness reared its ugly head again.

It's a good thing the myth of our likeness not showing up in pictures wasn't true, so many pictures were taken I thought Bella's eyes would never recover from all the flashbulbs. She'd be blind by the time we left this evening. We cut the cake together, and shoved a piece in the others' mouths. This was the first time I had fed her and the feeling it gave me to watch her take a bite of something from my hand sent shivers up my spine. She tried not to stare in disbelief as I swallowed my bite. For her, I'd eat the whole cake, but she would not watch me as I had to make it come back up. That was the part that was most repulsive, more than actually eating human food.

Bella gracefully, for her, threw the bouquet, it landed in Angela's hands.

_"Yes!"_ Ben Cheney's thoughts were louder than the squealing ladies at this, _"I was hoping that would happen. Now to get that ring on her finger so I can give Angela her fairy tale wedding she deserves."_ Ben was definitely a perfect fit for Angela. I was glad that my anonymous gift was still being appreciated.

"Edward! Edward! Edward!" Emmett was chanting my name the loudest, though Jasper was doing his best to be louder. Bella was sitting in the middle of the dance floor with her leg bared, her borrowed garter almost down to her ankle, and her face beet red in embarrassment. Emmett and Jasper were doing what they could to make her face even redder. I wished she had left that garter where it was, but her blush told me I was lucky to get to do this part at all. This made my heart flutter again. I was not going to get used to that feeling and I didn't want to. I ever so gently, but forcefully grabbed it in between my teeth and yanked it down her leg. This caused another shiver I couldn't subdue. Then, winking at Bella, I shot it perfectly into Mike Newton's face. He deserved that after his inappropriate thoughts during our wedding. Bella blushed even more, if that were even possible.

_"Jerk!" _Mike thought loudly.

After all the standard traditions were kept up, chairs were brought around the dance floor as the first chords of "Cheek to Cheek" came over the speakers. I pulled Bella into my arms; she floated around the dance floor, despite her clumsiness. I embraced her, "enjoying the party, Mrs. Cullen?" I whispered in her ear, I had been waiting for the moment to call her that all night. Saying Mrs. Cullen unearthed more human feelings I didn't know were buried. Was that possible?

"That will take a while to get used to," she laughed breathlessly. Her breath filled my nostrils and I lovingly inhaled them. The monster was locked within, nice and tight.

"We have a while," I had until forever for her to get used to that. I couldn't stand it any more! I wanted to continue that kiss we started back in the house. I leaned down to meet her warm lips with my cold ones. I could tell she wanted it, too, as our eyes communicated what words wouldn't. Flashbulbs went off again, though, I didn't care. I wanted this moment to be documented forever.

Charlie tapped on my shoulder; I barely noticed the song had changed to "Unforgettable". I reluctantly gave her back to her father. I found Esme and we glided around the floor as Charlie and Bella awkwardly shuffled their feet. I made a mental note to give her dancing lessons, I probably should have done that before tonight, but under the circumstances, she was doing amazingly well.

"Edward, you're glowing, if that's possible," Esme told me.

"I know, mom. I feel like my heart is beating again, is that what it's like for you and Carlisle?"

"Everyday."

I smiled, I could get used to this feeling. The song changed again, Charlie was obviously relieved to be done with that duty. Bella got passed along to the rest of my family, then to some of her friends from school, but as each new partner came up to take their turn on the dance floor her facial expressions and searching eyes told me she would rather be in my arms. I agreed. It was Mike Newton's turn and I'd let him have a minute, no, half a minute after reading his vile thoughts. He was making her generic again and she was far from that. He needed to go back to generic Jessica. They were meant for each other.

She smiled her Bella smile as I cut in, I'd read her expressions correctly. "Still not fond of Mike, eh?" Bella asked as I whisked her away as quickly as I could from him.

"Not when I have to listen to his thoughts. He's lucky I didn't kick him out. Or worse," thoughts of dismembering him still appealed to me.

"Yeah, right," Bella scoffed.

I remembered what Alice had told me before Bella descended the stairs. "Have you had a chance to look at yourself?" Knowing she hadn't I wanted her to see herself as I saw her. I slowly started leading her towards the glass of the house, though under the cover of the night and the white lights it had turned it into a mirror.

"Um. No, I guess not. Why?" She had to ask? She really didn't know how exquisite she was.

"Then I supposed you don't realize how utterly, heartbreakingly, beautiful you are tonight," and really those adjectives weren't enough, even exquisite wasn't the proper word. Like always, there were no proper words to describe Bella's beauty to me. "I'm not surprised Mike's have a difficulty with improper thoughts about a married woman. I _am_ disappointed that Alice didn't make sure you were forced to look in a mirror."

"You are very biased you know," Bella said, as I stopped her in front of the window-turned-mirror. I wanted, no needed, her to see her reflection. I sighed in utter exasperation as I turned her around so she could see for herself. I pointed to the couple reflected there. I heard her make an inaudible gasp.

"Biased, am I?" I asked her. But she didn't look at herself right away, she looked upon my reflection, then she saw herself. Her mouth fell open with a small popping sound. I heard Alice say thank you for forgiving her and for doing what she should have before this whole evening started. I was kind of glad I got to see this for myself. I was enjoying watching her eyes rove slowly over her reflection, starting from the bottom of her dress to the top of her head. Her eyes stopped at her face, like she was seeing herself for the first time. I was getting ready to tell her that this is what I see all the time, but I was interrupted by Jacob's voice in the woods surrounding our house. "Oh!" He made it. I rearranged my surprised expression, but of course, Bella saw me before I could turn it into a smile. I was happy he came. Not for me, but for Bella.

"What is it?" Bella asked.

"A surprise wedding gift," I knew I would take her to the woods and let her have a few minutes of alone time with him. She deserved it, though it would pain me to leave her, even if just for a moment, with him. This was my attempt at being selfless, I owed her that much. I twirled her in the opposite direction. I also caught the eyes of my family. I didn't know if there was going to be trouble but I wanted them near in case something was going to happen.

_"I got your back," _Emmett reassured me. They lingered a little longer, but one couple by one couple they danced close to the edge of cedars, where I was taking Bella.

"Thank you, this is very...kind of you," I spoke to the tall figure hidden in the shadows I knew Bella couldn't see yet.

"Kind is my middle name, can I cut in? _I promise I'll be on my best behavior, I need to see her, I need this closure for myself. I want to make sure she's happy."_

"Jacob!" Bella practically shrieked as soon as she heard his voice. I knew I had made the right decision in sending that invite. She also teetered. I wasn't sure if it was her heels on the slight incline of the grass or her gladness at seeing Jacob. I made sure to hold her elbow to lead her to my worst enemy, her best friend. Once I was sure Jacob had her I let them know that Rosalie wouldn't forgive me if I didn't dance with her.

I found Rosalie, but kept an ear out for any sign of trouble. He may have said he was going to be on his best behavior, but this was going to be hard for him. I knew it would be ripping my apart if the roles were reversed. I also knew the other members of the pack were there. They had sensed something else as well.

"Edward, congratulations. Really," Rosalie said sincerely, as we jitterbugged around the floor. "And I don't hate her. I don't like her, but I don't hate her, I still appreciate that she saved your life, I just hate what she's giving up."

"I know, Rose. I'm trying very hard to prolong this as long as I can. I want to keep her human, but she's very stubborn. She may even rival your tenacity," I teased her.

Rosalie glared at me then laughed, "Yeah, you're probably right." It was good to hear her laugh. I hadn't heard her laugh in so long, especially when it came to Bella. "It's nice to see you so happy, Edward. She really is good for you, just please keep her human as long as you possibly can. I don't want to see her regret this choice before she's ready."

"Believe me I'm doing everything in my power to make sure she has every human experience as she can. This wedding was amazing; Alice stuck to Bella's requests and rules and still pulled this off. I'm a little shocked Bella agreed to all of this, but she seems genuinely happy."

"Yes, she does. And I've decided Alice is going to do my next wedding, I'm going to let her surprise me," Rosalie answered.

"By the way, thank you again for playing so wonderfully for us. You are a great pianist yourself," I told her.

"It's the least I could do for you, Edward, as many times as you've played at my weddings," she smiled briefly again and then her face changed to concern. "Uh-oh, what's going on in the woods?" Rosalie questioned. I thought I was listening to the woods, but Rosalie heard the scuffle first.

"Jake-STOP!" Bella commanded. Human ears wouldn't have heard her. What was that mongrel doing to my _wife_? I felt a snarl reach my lips. But I stopped it before I scared our guests. As much as it killed me, Rosalie and I never broke our formation or speed as we danced back to the edge of the woods. Emmett and Jasper made their way over but not too close so as not to alarm the rest of the party.

"Take your hands off her!" I snarled once I was under the cover of the darkness of the trees. A red haze filled my vision as venom filled my mouth. He was hurting Bella, what was he doing? He was shaking _my_ Bella! Then I saw how hard he was gripping her, her fingers were turning white from loss of blood to them.

"Jake, bro, back away. You're losing it," Seth Clearwater urged him to let go. "You'll hurt her, let her go," he encouraged again.

"NOW!" I snarled again. It was all I could do not to lunge for him, and if Bella hadn't been in his grasp I would have. I couldn't risk hurting Bella.

Jacob's hands dropped to his sides. She flexed her fingers as I watched the color run back to her arms. What had he done to her? Why had he done that to her?

I quickly got to her side, replaced his hands with mine and got her a half a dozen feet away from the now quivering Jacob. I crouched protectively in front of Bella, ready to spring at the first sign of a fight. He was not going to hurt Bella anymore. Seth wrapped his arms around Jacob and tugged him away. Jacob turned to me, "I'll kill you," he choked out while adding in his mind, _"stupid bloodsucker! You may have her for marriage, but getting physical with her? You're going to kill her, I'll kill you first! _I'll kill you myself! I'll do it now!" He looked as if he was getting ready to phase, his body was quivering uncontrollably. Seth tugged on Jacob again to get him out of here. I read in Seth's mind he didn't want to ruin this night for Bella. Jacob would hate himself later for hurting her as well. Suddenly the rest of the pack was surrounding Jacob and pulling him away. He was still yelling at me mentally.

Only Quil in wolf form was left standing there, sizing me up, Bella whispered to him, "I'm sorry." Why was she apologizing to him? She hadn't done anything wrong.

I wanted to reassure her it wasn't her fault, "It's all right now, Bella." Though, I knew it probably wasn't, at least not for me. Why did I send him that invitation? Because I wanted him to have that choice, but if I had known it would come to this I would have honored Bella's wishes.

_"Is she okay? Should I go back to Jacob now?"_ Quil asked mentally. I nodded stiffly. He ran off to join the rest of the pack.

_"Edward, if you need us, we're right here," _Emmett called to me from several feet away. I didn't want to alarm Bella anymore than needed.

"All right, let's go back," I said in my most non-threatening voice. Mostly for Bella's sake, but also to let my brothers know it had ended. I gently started to lead Bella away, back to the celebration of our matrimony. She stood her ground, I didn't force her; I wanted her to be ready to go back. I watched her face as she processed in her head what had just happened.

"But Jake?" she argued.

"Sam has him in hand, He's gone," of course, despite the tourniquet type grip he had on her she would be concerned about him. I couldn't break through that bond of friendship, it hurt knowing that I, ultimately, caused that friendship.

Then she was apologizing to me. Apologizing? "Edward, I'm so sorry, I was stupid..." She was far from stupid. No, I was the stupid one.

"You did nothing wrong," I assured her, because I'm the one in the wrong. She couldn't help that he was so in love with her and yet she still chose me.

"I have such a big mouth! Why would I...I shouldn't have let him get to me like that. What was I thinking?" She was on the verge of hysterics. I needed to distract her.

"Don't worry," I turned my attention to her and used my soft, calming voice on her again, as I let my hand cradle her cheek. "We need to get back to the reception before someone notices our absence." She shook her head no. Why? I wish I knew what was going through her head. Her expressions changed from contemplating to quizzical to realization that this slight altercation hadn't lasted that long. A new song was just now starting.

"Give me two seconds," she pleaded. I could give her that, longer if needed. As she collected her thoughts and herself she smoothed out her hair, then ran her hands over her skirt, as if smoothing out imaginary wrinkles. "My dress?"

"You look fine, not a hair out of place," Again, her mind worked in strange ways. That V between her eyebrows slowly smoothed out as she took a deep breath, then one more.

"Okay, let's go," speaking as she blew out a gust of air. I wasn't sure if she was really ready or not, but I put my arms around her and led her back to the crowd. I helped her resume our dancing position and twirled her back in with the rest of the crowd, as if we weren't really gone. I saw her glance around at our guests to see if they noticed her absence. I scanned each of their thoughts, just to be sure.

_"This shrimp is amazing! Wonder where they found it?" _Renee' chattered in her mind.

_"Bella looks like a princess dancing with that Greek god, wish Mike..."_ Jessica thought. I tuned her out quickly.

_"Is she okay?"_ Emmett asked. I really couldn't be sure. Physically she looked fine, but her thoughts were still guarded from me.

I felt Jasper test the air around us. _"Not good, she's panicking,"_ I heard Jasper assess. I nodded in their direction.

"Are you..." I started to ask, but she cut me off.

"I'm fine. I can't believe I did that. What's wrong with me?" she asked in a calm panicky voice.

"Nothing is wrong with _you,_" no, it really was me this time. I could kill Jacob for doing this to her, and for making me feel like a monster again. He ruined my day, _our_ day. But I had to stay calm for Bella, when I really just wanted to go chase down that dog and rip him apart. How could he do this to us?

And as if she was reading my mind, she answered me, "It's over," Bella sighed, "Let's not think of it again."

I stayed silent as I contemplated what their fight had been about. Jacob was right, despite what Carlisle and Jasper had told me last night, how was I not going to poke holes in her? Suddenly Emmett's tasteless joke didn't seem so far off base anymore.

"Edward?" Bella asked in a slightly panicked voice.

I had to voice my concerns again. I leaned in to touch my forehead to Bella's, the electricity still hummed between us. I closed my eyes. I couldn't look at her as I said "Jacob is right. What _am_ I thinking?"

"He is not," Bella was trying to keep her voice even, though I knew this tone meant she wanted to yell at me, but couldn't due to our close proximity of our company. "Jacob is way too prejudiced to see anything clearly."

"He's right, I should let him kill me for even thinking I can be with you in all ways we both desire," I thought I'd said this so low she couldn't hear me, but I think she heard some of my words.

"Stop it!" Bella commanded to me, she grabbed my face in between her warm hands. I slowly opened my eyes to meet her fierce gaze. "You and me. That's the only thing that matters. The only thing you're allowed to think about now. Do you hear me?"

I sighed resolutely, "Yes." She was comforting me. She had been hurt by her alleged best friend, and she was comforting me. So selfless, again.

"Forget Jacob came. For me. Promise me you'll let this go."

Again, she was asking for something I wasn't sure I could give her. Could I promise this? I stared into her eyes as if the answer would flicker across those deep brown eyes. And it did. I could promise her this. She seemed resolved to do the same. "I promise," I said, though I wasn't sure how convincing this sounded.

"Thank you. Edward," she hesitated, "I'm not afraid." Of course she wasn't. When was she ever afraid of what she was supposed to be afraid of?

"I am," I whispered. What was I doing? She'd fulfilled her promise to me, and now my cold feet were back, there's nothing I would deny her, but I wished I could deny her this one thing. If ever there was a promise I could take back it would be this.

"Don't be," She looked deeply into my eyes, as if searching for strength as she said, "by the way, I love you."

"That's why we're here," I smiled, a little. I still wasn't over my self-loathing.

_"I'm coming over to break you two up. You need some time to collect yourself. _You're monopolizing the bride," Emmett said over my shoulder. Sometimes Emmett wasn't so clueless. "Let me dance with my little sister. This could be my last chance to make her blush." Then again...

I stayed away and let her enjoy her evening. I watched from the sidelines as she danced with partner after partner. I didn't want to dance; I wanted to wallow in the self-loathing a little more. Really, what was I thinking, what kind of promise had I made her? This was slowly becoming my nightmare, erasing the sweet dreams from earlier. Jacob was right. I am so wrong for her. He could give her everything she needed, and wanted, and offer her protection as well.

"Edward, I heard your conversation, I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I'm sorry. I was concerned." said Carlisle after awhile of letting me think through my pain.

"It's okay; I knew someone other than Bella would hear it."

"You won't hurt her. I know you. She said yes to you, remember? She's been warned, she understands there are consequences, but as I said last night, despite all this, she wants you, all of you. _But I swear, if you tear down Esme's house, you'll be banned from ours for awhile."_

This last part made me laugh a little. This was so unlike Carlisle, he knew I needed to hear that. That helped break through the last of my tension. I smiled at him, then I looked over at Bella, she was dancing with someone besides me. I didn't care who it was, it wasn't me, I wanted her in my arms. I felt too cold again.

_"Go to her, forgive her, if there is anything to forgive, and make this right," _Carlisle patted my shoulder. He was right, as usual. I was her husband. Hmmm, I hadn't thought that before, I rather liked that. I wanted my wife. All of my wife. Suddenly I was jealous of the boy dancing with Bella. I practically ran too fast to her. I cut in, she smiled and laid her head on my chest I knew all was right in our world again. I didn't need Jasper to tell me that joy and certainty had returned, though he made sure to tell me anyway. I ever so gently tightened my arms around her and enjoyed the warmth of her.

"I could get used to this," Bella murmured. My heart swelled slightly.

"Don't tell me you've gotten over your dancing issues?" I teased. I knew what she meant.

"Dancing isn't so bad-with you. But I was thinking more of this," she hugged me tighter, it was probably all of her strength, but I barely noticed a change, "of never having to let you go."

"Never," I promised, and that wasn't a lie; and as if just saying the words weren't enough I had to show her with a kiss as well. I leaned down to feel their softness on my hard lips. She returned my kiss with the same sense of urgency I felt.

_"See? She loves you, and she wants you, all of you," _Carlisle thought, before turning his attention to Esme.

I didn't know how long we'd been showing affection on the dance floor, I didn't care until Alice burst into our bubble. "Bella, it's time!" Ugh, that annoying little sister of mine. I ignored her. I kissed Bella harder, more urgently, as if we wouldn't get this moment back. I felt Bella's heart speed up, I felt her palms get sweaty and they were burning my neck; her kisses were just as intense as mine. Our breathing was heavy, I was glad she hadn't forgotten to breath. Though, I think I may have. Where were we again?

"Do you want to miss your plane? I'm sure you'll have a lovely honeymoon camped out in the airport waiting for another flight." I knew she was right, but why now? I broke away from my love long enough to tell Alice to go away, then I pressed my lips back to my wife's lips. That thought made me want her more.

_"Uh, Edward, unless you want to give all of our guests a show they'll never forget you might want to listen to Alice," _Jasper thought. He was right, but I pretended not to hear him.

"Bella, do you want to wear that dress on the airplane?" She shrieked to break through our concentrated lust.

Bella was ignoring Alice as well, her lips wouldn't, couldn't leave mine, as mine wouldn't and couldn't leave hers. A barrier had been between us for too long, the wall was beginning to chip away.

"I'll tell her where you're taking her, Edward. So help me, I will."

That did it! She was NOT going to ruin that for me. I froze, my lips still attached to Bella's. I opened my eyes and glared at my not so favorite sister at the moment. I broke away, reluctantly, and said, "You're awfully small to be so hugely irritating!"

"I didn't pick out the perfect going away dress to have it wasted." Of course she was worried about clothes. _"And I refuse to let her travel in that wedding dress!" _

Bella stretched up to kiss me one more time as Alice gently tugged her away from me. Her left arm still outstretched as she was trying to hang onto me, and Alice had her right arm, dragging her towards the house. This, of course, made my heart swell again. My dead heart was growing larger and larger; I thought it would start beating again. Our guests _were_ getting a show, they all chuckled as this played out. Emmett and Jasper were guffawing like this was the best joke they had ever heard. I could kill Alice, if I didn't love her so much. I watched Bella being led away until she disappeared up the stairs. This time my mind lingered in Alice's head, why should she get to see Bella the way I wanted to? Then I stopped myself, I wanted to see Bella for myself, not through someone else's filter. I would be a gentleman and give her this privacy. I looked at my laughing family, sans Alice, before going into the house to relieve myself of that nasty cake that had settled uncomfortably in my gut, and to change into my traveling clothes as well. Not that I cared much, but Alice would.

I waited at the bottom of the stairs for the second time that day for the love of my life. I heard Charlie's thoughts around the corner. I made a mental note to make sure Bella said her goodbyes to him before we left. He really was in anguish over his only daughters' leaving. Soon Bella bounded down the stairs in the most stunning deep blue outfit and her hair had been let down falling in soft waves down her back. She was irresistible; she grabbed my hand instantly warming it again. I could tell she was looking for her father, as she craned her neck over the crowd, slightly pulling away from me, "Dad?"

"Over here," I said as I led her through the crowd to him. The love was pouring out of him. Once again, I left her alone to give him a proper goodbye.

Their conversation didn't last very long, "are you ready?" I asked. Because at this moment, I knew I was, in more ways than I could count.

"I am," she replied, sounding just as sure as I felt. I led her back through the aisle of people to the waiting car outside. I paused to kiss her on the doorstep. Everyone applauded. What had Alice tied to the back of the car? Shoes? And flowers and streamers were all over the car. What was she thinking? Rice was being thrown all over us. Emmett was having too much fun showering us. _"Jasper won, damn! Wonder if I throw this rice hard enough it'll make her fall?" _I made sure Bella got a lot of rice in her hair. It made her that much more lovely.

I held the door open for my _wife, _it was going to take me awhile to get used to that,and then I got into the drivers side. I immediately took her hand in mine as soon as I shifted the car into drive. I followed Bella's gaze out the window. There stood her mother, Phil's arms were around her waist, and Renee's free hand was holding Charlies. I watched Bella mouth, "I love you" to her family. I wondered if Bella realized how much she was loved. I gently squeezed her hand, "I love you." At that moment, even saying those words, the conviction of my love couldn't be contained.

"That's why we're here," she quoted me from earlier. I kissed her rice filled hair. She was unbelievable, and she was _-is-_ mine. As I gripped the steering wheel I stared at the ring on my left ring finger. This would never leave my hand and she would never leave my life again. Just at that moment a growl from Jacob ripped through my thoughts and the forest surrounding the house. I was sure Bella heard it too. I saw the slightly sad expression flit across her face. I left her to her silent thoughts as I pressed down on the accelerator to escape the lingering growl.


	4. Chapter 4

**The Twilight characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm not getting any money to write this, I just want to play this out through Edwards POV, she owns the characters.**

4. Our Private Island

"Houston?" Bella asked as soon as got to our gate in Seattle. No, of course we weren't going to Houston, I'd never get out of the hotel room with that sun.

"Just a stop along the way," I grinned, I couldn't believe we were getting Isle Esme, I'd only been there once, about 30 years ago and I couldn't wait to get the chance to go back. I could be in the sun there, all day long if I wanted. Something about owning your own private island...

We were soon airborne and Bella's exhaustion was finally catching up with her. I let her nestle into my shoulder and soon she was passed out. I couldn't stop watching her sleep, just like any other evening. The seat belt light came on as we were making our descent. I gently shook her awake. I'd gladly carry her through the airport while she slept, but I didn't want to risk exposure. I wasn't sure how awake she was as I had to lead her with her eyes half closed to our connecting flight at the international counter.

"Rio de Janeiro?" Bella mumbled, while her bleary eyes fought sleep. Of course she would catch that. What doesn't she miss?

"Another stop," I mused.

This time we traveled in first class, I knew it would be a long flight and I wanted her comfortable. Again, she settled into the crook of my arm, I didn't care. Being who I was, I could sit like this for hours and never notice that I hadn't moved. And being dark, I didn't have to fidget to keep up pretenses, though I couldn't stop kissing her cheek, hair, hand, and her fingers, well mostly one finger, the one that wore my ring. A few times I heard her stomach rumble. How long had it been since she'd last eaten? Our wedding cake? And she'd only had a couple of bites of that. I stopped to think again how that felt to feed her; that was magical, to watch her groan in pleasure as the sweet, moist cake hit her tongue. But, if that was the case she must be ravenous. I'd make sure she got something substantial to eat as soon as I was able. As she slept I ran over the conversation I'd had with my father, brothers, Bella and even Jacob over the past two days. It was like a white elephant in the room, no one wanted to talk about it, but it was staring us, _me_, in the face. I was so afraid, but Carlisle was the most sure that I wouldn't hurt her. I really did want to consummate our marriage. I just wished she were more durable, but that would mean changing her and I wasn't ready for that either. I was so conflicted, a battle was ensuing between my head and heart and I was the bloody battlefield. I was almost in agony.

We were just starting to make our descent to the airport when she woke up. Her eyes weren't bleary anymore. They were bright. This was my Bella.

I helped her get her bags, and then we found a taxi waiting for us outside the airport. I saw Bella raise an eyebrow at me. She was thoroughly confused. "Good," I thought. We had done a great job hiding this from her and I knew she'd enjoy this extended honeymoon. I asked the taxi driver, in Portuguese, to take us to the marina. We arrived at the docks to get the boat that would take us to our island. It was still an hour away.

I led us past the larger yachts to a smaller and faster boat that would get us to our final destination. Carlisle prided himself on this find. Boats to him were what cars were to me. I didn't mention that three of those yachts also belonged to him. I thought of my cars parked in the garage back home and realized that I would trade them all for this angel climbing into the speedboat with me. Rosalie could burn and push my Vanquish down a hill and as long as I'd have Bella, I wouldn't care.

I got the boat ready to go. Bella stared in silent reverie as she watched my every move. I failed to tell her I liked to boat. In two years I'd never let her know that. I never felt it was important to share. She was probably thinking that I was a show off and that there wasn't anything I wasn't good at. I wished I would have thought to stock the little galley with some food, her stomach was snarling at me over the purr of the engine. Bella never complained, which made me feel even more guilty that I wasn't taking care of her every need. So much for being good at everything.

I headed due East and opened the throttle all the way. I loved the feel of the sea spray over my face. It was more exhilarating than running, unless Bella was on my back. I smiled at her.

She finally broke the silence, "are we going much further?" Her impatience finally caught up with her.

"About another half hour," speaking just loudly enough so she could hear me. I really didn't want to fill the silence with much chatter; I was enjoying the peaceful silence of just us. We hadn't been just us since our meadow after the battle with the Seattle army of newborns. Hmmm, that's what started this whole stomach knotting discussion in the first place. But it's also what put the wheels in motion for the most emotion filled day of my existence. I thought back and realized how many times that I had been on the verge of tears of happiness, if only I'd been able to cry. I was envisioning the angel in a white dress coming down the stairs when I finally saw the bright lights of the island house looming up ahead. I wanted Bella to see this.

"Bella, look there," I pointed straight ahead. I knew her weak human eyes couldn't see it yet, but I wanted her to be focused on it. There was a halo over the island from the lights.

Awe crept into Bella's questioning face as she finally made out the faint silhouette of Esme's Island. "Where are we?" Bella muttered so low that I couldn't be sure she was talking, hard to do that, with my hearing abilities.

I smiled a wide grin once I knew she saw it. "This is Isle Esme. _Your new family's gift to you, love," _I added in my thoughts. I wanted to see her take it all in. I slowed the boat down and docked it perfectly into place. There was sudden silence as I cut the engine. This was like the meadow. No impending thoughts, even though there was a human with me; her thoughts, like always were guarded from me.

It took me by surprise when I heard her murmur, "Isle Esme?" She startled at the sound of her own voice.

"A gift from Carlisle--Esme offered to let us borrow it," I wanted her to know just who was giving the gift of seclusion to her, to us. I watched her as her face changed from surprise to quizzical to awe again. She was fascinating to watch. I then realized that I didn't want to be in this boat any longer, I wanted to show her the rest of the gift. I placed our trunks on the dock and then reached for her. It had been too long since I held her last. I didn't just want to hold her hand; I wanted to hold her against me. I wanted that warmth, to feel her heartbeat against my body. I wanted her, truly I did. I swept her off her feet and cradled her against me.

She gasped at me. I looked at her face to make sure I hadn't hurt her. I didn't think I was too rough, "Aren't you supposed to wait for the threshold?" She asked as I sprung lightly from the boat.

"I'm nothing if not thorough," who cares about a threshold? I just wanted her in my arms. I considered leaving our luggage on the dock and coming to get them later, but I figured she'd want something out of there as soon as I didn't. I grabbed them by the handles, both of them, and carried everything towards the house, through the dark forest of trees. I, of course, could see everything clearly, I saw Bella squint to see a little further in front of us. Stupid limited human vision, I hated it. The house was clear to me from the dock, Bella finally caught sight of it. The same expressions flitted across her face again. I smiled. I loved watching her receive this gift. Then I felt her quiver, I looked at her face again, her fear was evident on her face. Not prominent, but evident. I felt her heart thud hard in her chest, and her breathing hitched. I knew what was wrong; there was no question what she was thinking about. At this moment, I knew her thoughts, they mirrored mine. If I were human, my reactions would be the same. I also noticed she looked everywhere but at me. Was she finally questioning her request?

I set the trunks on the porch. I continued staring at the love of my life. I wasn't going in that house until she returned my stare. I needed to read her eyes, since I couldn't scan her thoughts. As soon as she met my eyes I saw her nervousness. I carried her into the house, turning lights on as we went, I didn't want to put her down. I made it to the bedroom last. I turned that light on, this room really was beautiful. Again, I watched Bella as she took in Esme's decorating abilities. The moon was bright as it shone in through the glass wall.

I reluctantly set her on her feet. "I'll go get the luggage," I murmured, hating to break the silence again. I didn't want to leave her longer than necessary, though. I was back before she realized I was gone, I even had time to open her suitcase. Taking a moment to scan the items Alice had packed for her. Oh, Alice, what was she thinking? As I pinched a designer piece of lace between my finger and thumb, all the lace and frills, I hoped there were actual clothes in there, too.

I went up behind her and as I wiped a bead of sweat with my cold finger from her very warm neck, she shivered. Was it the nerves or my sudden cold touch to her warm skin? I couldn't be sure. "It's a little hot here, I thought," _since I make you cold,_ "that would be best."

"Thorough," she replied quietly, nervously.

I let out a low chuckle. I knew what was wrong with me. I felt like it was almost my turn to be on stage, I was the leading man, and I forgot my lines. Suddenly, I was that nervous, and the butterflies were back for the second time that day.

I didn't want to make this more awkward than it already was going to be. I wanted to reassure her that I only had her best interests in mind. "I tried to think of everything that would make this" I searched for the best word"easier," that was the best one I could come up with. This was certainly not going to be easy.

Bella swallowed loudly, she still wasn't looking at me. What was she thinking? I really wanted to know, more than ever, what was on her mind. I probed it again, only to hit the same wall of silence.

"I was wondering" _how to prolong this? _"If...first...maybe you'd like to take a midnight swim with me?" I took a deep breath to calm my nerves; I hadn't felt like this, ever. "The water will be very warm. This is the kind of beach you approve of," knowing she hated the cold and the wet, I knew she'd like the warm water on her body.

Her voice betrayed her fear even more, "sounds nice."

I was really needing to collect myself, it seemed she needed the same, "I'm sure you'd like a human minute or two...it was a long journey," I suggested. She nodded stiffly. My surreal blanket was back. I couldn't believe this was happening, but I also didn't want to leave her too long. I was yearning to kiss her again, but I was afraid of what would happen so I kissed her throat below her ear. I laughed, "Don't take too long, Mrs. Cullen." Again, I felt shivers down my spine as I attached my surname to her. I felt Bella shiver as well. "I'll wait for you in the water," I murmured, almost seductively. Where was that coming from? I felt her eyes on me as I left the room. I wanted to give her a physical gesture that I was keeping up my end of the bargain. I shrugged out of my shirt and left it there on the floor by the French doors.

I made it down to the beach. I removed the rest of my clothes, hanging them on a tree and took a swim. My head and heart were fighting again, I knew this was wrong. I was going to severely hurt her, but my heart ached to be with her. This time I didn't have Carlisle to talk me through this, Jasper to calm me and Emmett to make jokes at me. The charged tension was there. I swam almost two miles away from the beach to put more distance between us. I let the warm water current swirl around me. This distance hurt. I couldn't be that far, I swam back and lay in the shadow of the palm trees breathing deeply, as if this would work to calm me.

I heard the squeak of a faucet turn on. Was she taking a shower? Was she ready for this? Was I ready for this? The faucet squeaked again after a few minutes. I walked back out in the water and stood there gazing up at the moon. It was almost full, illuminating me, the sky, the water, and the white sand. I heard her talking to herself, "Don't be a coward." She was reassuring herself, but it was what I needed to hear as well. I heard the door open quietly and footsteps making their way to the beach. Then a pause as something was being hung on the tree by my clothes, her breathing was jagged. Bella's heart was beating like a hummingbird with a broken wing, very irregular, very fast. The unsure footsteps made their way to the water. I didn't turn around, I could smell her; her aroma was always strongest after a warm shower. I gazed up at the moon again, she was by my side, and there was nothing between us but water. She placed her hand over mind as she gazed at the moon with me.

"Beautiful," she muttered. I couldn't agree more, but I wasn't thinking of the moon. I was looking at her out of the corner of my eye.

"It's all right," I answered. I was right to not peak at her while Alice was helping her change. I was right to enjoy the gift of her by my own eyes. I twined our fingers together as I turned to face her. My eyes roved over her exposed body. "But I wouldn't use the word _beautiful_, not with you standing here in comparison." She was truly exquisite. For the millionth time that day, if I could cry, I would have had a tear running down my cheek. I couldn't believe she was made for me. She barely smiled at me, it didn't touch her eyes. She placed her free hand on my chest, over my dead heart. I swear I felt it flutter, again.

I took a deep jagged breath. I didn't want to break this quiet moment, but I wanted to remind her of our agreement, so I whispered, "I promised we would _try_. If" _when _"if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once," _because I would kill myself before I hurt you_, I added in my head. She nodded slowly at me, still gazing into my eyes. Then she took a step forward and leaned her head onto my chest.

"Don't be afraid. We belong together," her resolution was so strong it was hard to not believe her. Suddenly I wasn't afraid, Carlisle was right, I would do _everything _in my power to not hurt this fragile butterfly who was now my wife.

"Forever," I resolved. We did belong together. I gently wrapped my arms around and held her, all of her. Her skin warmed me. I slowly started pulling her to deeper water. I thought this would be better than starting out in the bedroom. I would take her there later. To finally be able to let ourselves get wrapped up in each other, all walls were being torn down, was heaven right smack dab in my personal hell. I still had to control myself, though every fiber in my being, the monster within, wanted me to just take her and be done with her. We kissed more passionately than we ever had. Her hands knotted in my hair, and mine in hers. No matter how close we got to each other, it wasn't close enough for me. I wanted her, again and again. Bella finally collapsed in utter exhaustion as the feathers from the pillow, or two, that I bit settled around and on us.

As the night wore on I replayed in my mind what had just transpired between us. It was beyond amazing. I couldn't put into words what I felt other than euphoria. Even then, that wasn't enough. As she slept I watched her smile and heard her murmur my name over and over. Slowly my euphoria changed to chagrin and then horror as bruises slowly surfaced on her arms, chest and cheek. Her lips were swelling, I lifted the sheet and saw finger bruises forming over her ribs and a larger bruise on her leg. I never heard her complain that I had hurt her, but I had. Bella slept on, peacefully. I thought about cleaning up the feather mess, but decided she needed to see how I could have hurt her. How the pillows had taken the brunt of my force. As the sun rose higher in the sky I felt her wake up, I thought I heard a smile in her sigh. I didn't look to see if she had opened her eyes or if she was smiling. I was hurt that I _had_ hurt her, despite what Carlisle and Jasper had said to me, she was hurting. She was lying on her chest across my chest, her back was bare, with small bruises forming there, too. I absentmindedly stroked my fingers up and down her spine. I still couldn't look at her, though she tightened her arms around my neck. Suddenly, she giggled.

"What's funny?" I asked with hardness in my voice, maybe a little harder than I should have spoken.

"You just can't escape being human for very long," she replied as her stomach growled at me.

I didn't feel like laughing with her. If she hadn't been human she wouldn't be bruising. I thought I was so careful. I kept berating myself and staring at the frothy mosquito netting above us, as she slowly opened her eyes to look at me. I caught this from the corner of my eye. I still couldn't really look at her. She was hurting, whether she knew it yet or not. I locked my jaws, I was stupid, I should have let Jacob kill me, I had hurt her. That's all I could think about, I had hurt her. During my selfish pleasure I caused her pain.

"Edward, what is it? What's wrong?" She asked frantically.

"You have to ask?" The hardness of my voice still wasn't gone. I finally looked at her, and saw a small spot of purple on her cheek. I could see her thoughts forming in her eyes and that small pensive V was forming in on her forehead. I smoothed this out, as many times I had wanted to do this to her, I chose now to make her expression calm. I had to know what caused that V, but, I couldn't talk in a normal voice, I had to either whisper or growl. I chose to whisper, "What are you thinking?"

"You're upset. I don't understand. Did I...," she couldn't finish her sentence. She thought she did something wrong. She was perfect, as always. I was the monster. I was once again selfish.

I tightened my eyes, "How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth—don't try to downplay it." I pleaded. I couldn't have her spare my feelings. I needed to know what I did wrong. I was hurting that she was hurting.

"Hurt?" Bella practically screeched at me. I raised my eyebrow at her. She was going to downplay this alright. I felt her stretch her body, tensing her muscles here and there. It seemed nothing was broken. I saw her wince as she stretched, but she didn't cry out.

Storm clouds rolled into her eyes, "Why would you jump to that conclusion? I've never been better than I am now!"

I closed my eyes, "Stop that." I pleaded again. She was definitely downplaying it. I hated her selflessness sometimes.

"Stop _what?_" she demanded.

"Stop acting like I'm not a monster for having agreed to this."

"Edward!" She reprimanded, in a whisper. She was now upset. Now she was realizing how much she hurt and she was going to let me have it. I deserved this. "Don't ever say that!" Agh, her mind worked in strange ways again.

I couldn't look at her. I refused to open my eyes. It hurt me to look at her bruised and battered body. But I needed her to see what I, the monster, had done to her.

"Look at yourself, Bella. Then tell me I'm not a monster." I shut my eyes tighter, waiting for the screaming, crying and the demanding that she take me home to Charlie.

She was silent for a few seconds, and there it was. A gasp. I braced myself for what was coming, "Why am I covered in feathers?"

I sighed, a bit impatiently. This was not the reaction I had braced myself for. "I bit a pillow. Or two. That's not what I'm talking about."

"You...bit a pillow? _Why?_" Once again, she was missing the bigger picture. She always had it all wrong. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to show her what I had done to her. I was furious with myself for allowing this to go on this long.

"Look, Bella!" I grabbed her hand, carefully, but with force to stretch her arm out. She didn't need any more bruises from me. I would not hurt her again. "Look at _that!_" I growled as I pointed out what a monster of a husband she had.

Then she started poking at one of them on her arm. It would disappear and reappear as soon as she raised her finger. I watched her eyes as they wandered over the rest of her upper torso. To make my point, I carefully wrapped my hands over each arm and showed her how those contusions came to be.

"Oh," she said, with slow realization. Oh? That's it? No scorned woman brow beating? No demands to be taken home. Her silence was making this so much worse.

"I'm"_-a stupid bloodsucker-_"so sorry, Bella," I whispered again. "I knew better than this. I should not have-" I couldn't finish that sentence, I snarled at myself. "I am more sorry than I can tell you." If I could cry I would be sobbing uncontrollably. I threw my arm over my face, I couldn't look at her, and waited for the berating that was sure to come now that I showed her how horrible I was...I am.

She didn't move for a few minutes. She was collecting her thoughts to let the fury come full tilt. I would be ready for it. I deserved it. I was contemplating calling the airline to get us our tickets for the return trip home, separate seats as well, she in front in First Class and I in very back, in coach. I was mentally discussing with Jasper the divorce proceedings, and the discussion with the rest of my family how it didn't work out and that she hated me, after all I had done to her, this is what she was revolted with.

"Edward?" she quietly interrupted my thoughts. I sat there, unmoving, bracing myself again for the torrent of words. She obviously waited for me to answer. I wouldn't, couldn't answer her. I was beyond ashamed of myself.

She took a deep breath, "here it comes," I thought.

"_I'm _not sorry, Edward. I'm...I can't even tell you. I'm _so _happy. That doesn't even cover it. Don't be angry. Don't. I'm really f--".

"Do not say the word _fine_!" I couldn't take it anymore. I was going to have to do the berating myself. She was utterly backwards. "If you value my sanity, do _not_ say that you are fine."

"But I _am,_" she whispered. No she wasn't. Her selflessness was getting absurd!

"Bella, don't," I moaned at her. "_Please, please, please don't..."_

"NO! You don't, Edward," she commanded from me. Her fury had finally found its voice. I was ready; I removed my arm to look at her again.

She took a deep breath, winding up for the pitch... "Don't ruin this. I. Am. Happy." She spoke each word clearly as if I couldn't understand English.

"I've already ruined this," I whispered again. I hurt her. Why couldn't she see that?

"Cut it out!" she berated me. I mashed my teeth together. I didn't want to say anything I would regret. I had enough regret this morning.

"Ugh! Why can't you just read my mind already? It's so _inconvenient_ to be a mental mute."

_"What?"_ She loved that I couldn't read her mind. I, sometimes, liked that I couldn't read her mind. It added to the mystery of our relationship. "That's a new one. You love that I can't read your mind."

"Not today," she stuck her chin out like a mad child again.

All I could do was stare. I was reconsidering that mental hospital I thought about when I first started talking to her. I had hurt her, I had promised to give all of myself to her and I hurt her. I kept repeating that to myself. I couldn't ever forget what I did to the love of my life. I couldn't forget that I was the monster.

"Why?" I finally muttered.

She threw her hands up in the air. She winced again. I mentally winced at her wince. Her hands came smacking down on my chest. Great, I probably hurt her there, too. "Because all of this angst would be completely unnecessary if you could see how I feel right now! Or five minutes ago, anyway. I _was_ perfectly happy. Totally and completely blissed out. Now—well, I'm sort of pissed actually."

Finally, this is the scorned woman fury I was waiting for. "You should be angry with me."

"Well, I am. Does that make you feel better?" She asked me.

Did that make me feel better? Not really, it couldn't make the bruises go away. "No," I sighed. "I don't think anything could make me feel better now."

She snapped. I had never seen her this angry. Ever. Even when she had punched Jacob when he kissed her. "_That! _That right there is why I'm angry! You are _killing my buzz, _Edward!" I just rolled my eyes. I hurt her, and she was worried about a buzzkill?

She swallowed. The next words she spoke were calmer, "We knew this was going to be tricky. I thought that was assumed. And then—well, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. And this," she brushed her fingers along her arms, "is really nothing. I think for the first time, not knowing what to expect, we did amazing. With a little practice--"

"Assumed?" I was mad, surprised, and hurt all at once. I was seeing red, the rage was consuming me. "Did you expect this, Bella?" Were you anticipating that I would hurt you? Were you thinking it would be worse? Do you consider the experiment a success because you can walk away from it? No broken bones—that equals a victory?"

She sat there silently, letting my fury work itself out. My breathing was ragged, she waited some more while I calmed down. She was patient. When my rage was slightly controlled, she finally spoke.

Her tone was soft and low, "I didn't know what to expect—but I definitely did not expect how...how...just wonderful and perfect it was." She dropped her calm brown eyes down to her hands where I couldn't read them anymore. "I mean," she continued, "I don't know how it was for you, but it was like that for me," she admitted.

I really was the luckiest monster in the world. She was telling me how wonderful I was even after I beat her up during our first real night together. I couldn't stand not seeing her eyes as she said this; I pulled her chin back up to meet my eyes. I wanted her to face me. My rage hadn't completely left me, but I needed to affirm her worry, I could only speak through my teeth as my rage waned, "Is that what you're worried about? That I didn't _enjoy _myself?" Even as I said this her eyes never came up with the rest of her face.

She answered me with her eyes still down, "I know it's not the same. You're not human. I just was trying to explain that, for a human, well, I can't imagine that life gets any better than that."

She left me speechless. Despite the way I had grabbed her, held her tightly to me, practically forcing myself onto her she still found it wonderful? I had made her happy? Oh, I was a monster, in more ways than one. I did kill her buzz. I remembered the buzz I had had up until the moment I started seeing her bruises forming on her arms during the night. She finally looked up at me as these thoughts ran through my mind. Seeing her eyes melted the remaining rage I felt. Yes, I had hurt her physically, but I was able to please her just the same. This premonition made me frown. "It seems I have more to apologize for," and I did. I was sorry I ruined her first night with me as a married couple and I was sorry I forced my rage onto her. It seemed I was making a mess of things. "I didn't dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn't," _amazing, perfect, sensual..._ "well, the best night of my existence. But I don't want to think of it that way, not when you were..." _getting beat up by your new monster of a husband," ..._what was she smiling about?

"Really?" She asked excitedly, but quietly. "The best ever?"

It was time I explained what I was expecting. I took her face in between my hands, the warmth helped melt any residual rage that may have been in my body. "I spoke to Carlisle after you and I made our bargain, hoping he could help me. Of course he warned me that this would very dangerous for you." I was remembering that last conversation before our wedding.

_"I have faith in you," Carlisle reassured me. _

_"I don't deserve that faith..."_

"He had faith in me, though—faith I didn't deserve," I continued. I watched as Bella started to interrupt me, but I needed to get this out before I lost my nerve. I put my fingers over her lips to silence her.

"I also asked him what _I _should expect. I didn't know what it would be for me...what with my being a vampire." I smiled as I used this term with her, a gentle reminder of the real monster I was. "Carlisle told me it was a very powerful thing, like nothing else. He told me physical love was something I should not treat lightly. With our rarely changing temperaments, strong emotions can alter us in permanent ways. But he said I did not need to worry about that part—you had already altered me so completely." I smiled wider, she had changed me; she had made me a better _person_.

"I spoke to my brothers, too. They told me it was a very great pleasure. Second only to drinking human blood." I remembered the taste of her blood and I compared it to last night, they were right. I decided she needed to know this, too. "But I've tasted your blood, and there could be no blood more potent than that _at least for me _I don't think they were wrong, really. Just that it was different for us. Something more." So much more. I couldn't decide which was more pleasurable for me, her blood or her yearning for me to please her more.

"It _was_ more. It was everything!" she said excitedly.

But since she had never drank blood, and would probably faint if she ever had to, she couldn't really make this comparison. "That doesn't change the fact that it was wrong. Even if it were possible that you really did feel that way."

"What does _that _mean?" Her fury was back. "Do you think I'm making this up? Why?"

"To ease my guilt. I can't ignore the evidence, Bella. Or your history of trying to let me off the hook when I make mistakes." She was always forgiving me. I really didn't deserve her. I didn't deserve her love, her understanding or forgiving nature. How many times had I hurt her and yet she still wanted me.

She then grabbed my chin with more force than I had ever felt her use with me, outside of her passionate kisses. She brought her face within inches of my face. "You listen to me Edward Cullen," she was hissing my name. Her rage still wasn't gone, it had sat there smoldering, and it had turned into a blazing inferno. "I am NOT pretending anything for your sake, okay? I didn't even know there was a reason to make YOU feel better until you started being all miserable. _I've _never been so happy in all my life—I wasn't this happy when you decided that you loved me more than you wanted to kill me, or the first morning I woke up and you were there waiting for me...Not when I heard your voice in the ballet studio"—I was hurting her again, bringing up old memories. Her point was starting to hit home with me, but she didn't pause as I processed the day that James met his death—"or when you said "I do" and I realized that, somehow, I get to keep you forever. Those are the HAPPIEST memories I have, and this is better than any of it. So just deal with it!"

Finally, there was the fury I had been bracing myself for, but it wasn't what I thought she would or should be upset about. I saw the V pucker her eyebrows again, it saddened me to see it there. I touched the furrow in her brow again, "I'm making you unhappy now. I don't want to do that." I never want to make her unhappy, yet here I was on our honeymoon making her yell at me.

"Then don't _you _be unhappy. That's the only thing that's wrong here," her point was made.

She was right. I had taken something so wonderful, so magical, and twisted it to make her yell at me. What the hell was wrong with me? I conceded, despite how wrong I felt, "You're right. The past is past and I can't do anything to change it. There's no sense in letting my mood sour this time for you. I'll do whatever I can to make you happy now," this I could promise. I needed to lock the monster back inside. She watched me, warily, not believing what I just said. I smiled because I realized I did ruin this blissful morning for her...for us.

"Whatever makes me happy?" she inquired, as her stomach snarled from beneath the blankets. I promised myself I'd get her something to eat as soon as I was able, how many hours ago was that? Nearly 48? She must be beyond ravenous. I was going to make her as happy as I could for the rest of the day, starting now.

"You're hungry," I superhumanly got up, creating a cloud of feathers in my wake.

"So, why exactly did you decide to ruin Esme's pillows?" She asked me calmly, as if the past ten minutes of anger hadn't just happened.

I pulled on a pair of khaki pants, shaking feathers from my hair. This is why I chose not to clean them before she woke up. I wanted her to see that it was pillows and not her that met their demise. "I don't know if I _decided _to do anything last night. We're just lucky it was the pillows and not you," the thought of her with me made me smile, but not so widely that she couldn't see how much danger she really was in.

She slid her fragile body off the bed. I finally saw the full damage I had done to her. I was very thankful that it was the pillows that caught the worst of it. I turned away from her, I couldn't look at her anymore, not because she wasn't exquisite, but because I _hurt _her worse than I first thought, and that made me ache. I balled my fists, fighting the rage within myself again. This time I couldn't blame anyone for hurting her. I couldn't hunt anyone down and make them pay, because I did it.

"Do I look that hideous?" she asked, trying to make a joke out of it. I despised myself at that moment. I took a deep breath as I fought the rage again. I didn't want to scare her and I still couldn't look at her. She went into the bathroom to look at herself. I waited with my breath held in my lungs. I was waiting for the screaming and the running. I mentally prepared myself for the divorce conversation with Jasper again. Then I heard her groan.

"Bella?" I was anxious, I needed to know how much she hated me at this very moment. I ran into the bathroom to face her fury and my fears.

"I'll _never _get this out of my hair!" She pointed to her head, where the feathers were sticking out everywhere.

Again, she surprised me with her thoughts. "You would be worried about your hair," I muttered, she was totally other. I started helping her get the feathers out. That I could do.

"How did you keep from laughing at this? I look ridiculous!" She giggled hysterically.

I couldn't answer that. I couldn't even fake a smile. The anger I felt was just under the surface. I concentrated on the feathers in her hair, I forced myself to.

She broke the silent tension after a few minutes of feather pulling, "This isn't going to work. It's all dried in. I'm going to have to try to wash it out." She turned her exposed body to me and pressed herself into me. I fought the urge to kiss her, the red haze of anger at myself was still there. "Do you want to help me?"

She was trying to seduce me? After all this, after all I had done to hurt her, she was tempting me to do this again? I would kill her this time. "I'd better find some food for you," I unwrapped her arms gently from me, when I was fighting to hold her to me. I ran away as quickly as I could so I wouldn't be tempted to break her, again.

I went to the kitchen, I had been brushing up on my Food Network episodes and I wanted to impress her with my cooking abilities. It was late morning, but she was probably so hungry she wouldn't care what I made. I wanted to try an omelet recipe I saw. It looked easy enough. I just hoped I got the taste right. I wouldn't be taste testing anything. How many eggs would she eat? Hmmm, four should be plenty. I knew it had been days since she'd really eaten anything.

As I mixed and fried I heard the shower start and then her smell assaulted my nose again. It took every fiber in my being to not turn off the stove and race in there to help her with those stupid feathers. That aroma was definitely more pleasing than this putrid egg, bacon and cheese omelet I was making for her.

Soon she was seated at the small tiled table in our eat-in kitchen. I saw she used makeup to cover what bruises were visible. This made me cringe. I plated the still steaming omelet. She hungrily bit into it. She winced and then she groaned, was it bad? No, she took another bite, and another, and another like she hadn't had food in, well, two days... "I'm not feeding you often enough," I stated. I sat across from her. I wanted to watch her eat. I wanted to see her enjoy something I had made for her.

"I was asleep. This is really good by the way. Impressive for someone who doesn't eat."

I was pleased, that wince probably meant it was too hot still, not that it was bad. I smiled knowing that I finally got something right today, "Food Network."

She returned my smile. She was happy again. Her scorn was gone and with it those feathers with the reminder of what I could have done to her.

"Where did the eggs come from?" She asked as she took another bite.

"I asked the cleaning crew to stock the kitchen. A first, for this place. I'll have to ask them to deal with the feathers..." I glared at the ceiling. I couldn't go back in that room, I couldn't clean up that mess. The anger would flare up again and I didn't want to upset Bella anymore while we were here.

She finished her meal, I guess I made just enough for her. Her plate was empty. I made mental note to always use at least four eggs.

"Thank you," she told me, sincerely. I could tell she was thanking me for more than just her breakfast. She leaned over to kiss me. The desire to take her, since all boundaries were officially gone, was strong again. I had to stop this. I ended our kiss just as quickly as I started it.

Bella gritted her teeth. She felt my apprehension. "You're not going to touch me again while we're here are you?" It felt like an accusation rather than a question. I was hurting her again. I didn't want to do that. I lifted my hand to stroke her cheek as I smiled half heartedly, to prove that I would touch her again.

"You know that's not what I meant," she said, as if to read my mind, oh the irony again.

I dropped my hand and sighed. "I know. And you're right." I resolved myself that I would NOT hurt her again. In order to make my body understand this as well, I lifted my chin, "I will not make love with you until you've been changed. I will not hurt you again," that pained me to say because I didn't want her to be changed either. I knew that would hurt her as well. My heart and head were battling again.


End file.
